It Really Is About Perspective

So here I was, groveling over my missed deadline of my submission to my blog. All upset over the fact that” I can’t stay consistent” and “why do I even try” popped up. Then it happened.

I woke up on Monday feeling like I could get things done despite my deadline miss … and as the day went on, the deadline missed moved to the back burner to sit and wait its return. The day was absolutely beautiful and productive. I settled into getting grades done, lectures updated, and office visits checked off. I was happy to track all my food and water intake. I even took a walk when my Fitbit told me too, which is great because I usually never listen. Yes, I was on point, feeling strong and productive.

My alarm went off. Time to head to class. It’s a hot day here in SoCal and all the students are displaying sings of an early summer. Tank tops and shorts for everyone. I make my usual eye contact, topped with a smile, as I pass each student wondering what class they are off too. I hit the unusual doorway for my class and I am greeted by one of my students who was waiting for me outside before class … and it happened, all the strength and productivity I had was needed.

I stood and listened as one of my students told me that he had cancer and would need to drop the class. Shock. Sorrow. Fear. Compassion. All covered me from head to toe. You’re not supposed to hug your students, it’s a Title IX violation but I did. His tears were almost the death of me, as I thought about his family and what they could be going through. He apologized for the inconvenience. What, what?! I don’t think so. I’m thinking this is the most awful thing that could happen to someone and he sure in the hell didn’t need to apologize for having to drop my class! Devastated. I hugged him again and told him to be strong and fight, fight, fight. I am absolutely praying for him and his family, especially his mom.

So now, it’s Tuesday and I am thinking back on the news. Here was my student, twenty years old in the fight of his life and I was down and out over a missed deadline for something that’s not really that important. It’s a missed deadline, DAMN! Move on! Enjoy every moment you have to love, give, smile, hope, pray, teach, cry, be, live, and know that not all deadlines are created equal. There are so many things that I have gained from this news, so many perspectives. The one that I walk away with, the one that helps my broken heart, he shared the news with me, in person. … Yep, my perspective gets an added view.

What Legacy?

I love to document life! Mainly because I love to write and take pictures of just about anything. I can remember being this way since I was little. When I was just a little bitty thing, I would sit on my Great-Great grandmother’s floor and cut every piece of paper in sight, tote around this wonderful collection of stickers that I acquired from the local nickel and dime stores, and oooo, let’s not forget the one gift that I couldn’t get enough of! My Poloroid!

So now, it doesn’t surprise me, when I look at my bookshelf and spot the eight scrapbooks I have put together about subjects that interest me. There is a book about college, our family and friends, and my wedding day, but the majority of the books are an all-out focus on you, my kids. Yep! With the exception of my wedding album, none of the scrapbooks could tell you a story about me. This fact may be about to change and it all started when I was invited to join a bible study.

I had heard of a bible study that leads you to making an album of your legacy, and I was interested to see the steps it would take for one to leave a legacy. So, I accepted the invite and went to see what was what … well, it really is going to be a bible study that leads to a scrapbook, but it is also going to be the hardest and most challenging thing I’ve done up to this point in my life. See, I had a pretty bumpy childhood and I am so not sure if there is anything to leave as a legacy. So this week, I will be taking the time to go over the study and really feel out the details. I am hoping that by next week, I will have an answer … to explore or not to explore!

Memory Fuzz

The interesting thing about memory. It gets fuzzy over time, to a point that it is hard to believe that others don't remember things the way you do.

When I was younger, I clearly remember being the outsider. I was always too something for someone to play, hang, collaborate, etc, etc, with. ... and when I come across the person that I have had this experience with, they act like nothing ever happened. Thus, why I make this little note. Forgiveness is for self and not necessarily for others.

I am totally into forgiving! It's the forgetting part that I have a hard time leaving behind. I have the tendency to only give once chance to make a fool of me, giving no shot at redemption or in some cases peace between the parties ... which makes me one hella'of a people person, right?

Well, time for change. Time to see what happens when you give someone a second chance. Time to let go of preconceived notions and guess work. Time to step out on real faith and see what is really going on. Scared? Hell yeah if memory serves me right or it could just be a fuzzball.

Let's just see.