It Really Is About Perspective

So here I was, groveling over my missed deadline of my submission to my blog. All upset over the fact that” I can’t stay consistent” and “why do I even try” popped up. Then it happened.

I woke up on Monday feeling like I could get things done despite my deadline miss … and as the day went on, the deadline missed moved to the back burner to sit and wait its return. The day was absolutely beautiful and productive. I settled into getting grades done, lectures updated, and office visits checked off. I was happy to track all my food and water intake. I even took a walk when my Fitbit told me too, which is great because I usually never listen. Yes, I was on point, feeling strong and productive.

My alarm went off. Time to head to class. It’s a hot day here in SoCal and all the students are displaying sings of an early summer. Tank tops and shorts for everyone. I make my usual eye contact, topped with a smile, as I pass each student wondering what class they are off too. I hit the unusual doorway for my class and I am greeted by one of my students who was waiting for me outside before class … and it happened, all the strength and productivity I had was needed.

I stood and listened as one of my students told me that he had cancer and would need to drop the class. Shock. Sorrow. Fear. Compassion. All covered me from head to toe. You’re not supposed to hug your students, it’s a Title IX violation but I did. His tears were almost the death of me, as I thought about his family and what they could be going through. He apologized for the inconvenience. What, what?! I don’t think so. I’m thinking this is the most awful thing that could happen to someone and he sure in the hell didn’t need to apologize for having to drop my class! Devastated. I hugged him again and told him to be strong and fight, fight, fight. I am absolutely praying for him and his family, especially his mom.

So now, it’s Tuesday and I am thinking back on the news. Here was my student, twenty years old in the fight of his life and I was down and out over a missed deadline for something that’s not really that important. It’s a missed deadline, DAMN! Move on! Enjoy every moment you have to love, give, smile, hope, pray, teach, cry, be, live, and know that not all deadlines are created equal. There are so many things that I have gained from this news, so many perspectives. The one that I walk away with, the one that helps my broken heart, he shared the news with me, in person. … Yep, my perspective gets an added view.

What Legacy?

I love to document life! Mainly because I love to write and take pictures of just about anything. I can remember being this way since I was little. When I was just a little bitty thing, I would sit on my Great-Great grandmother’s floor and cut every piece of paper in sight, tote around this wonderful collection of stickers that I acquired from the local nickel and dime stores, and oooo, let’s not forget the one gift that I couldn’t get enough of! My Poloroid!

So now, it doesn’t surprise me, when I look at my bookshelf and spot the eight scrapbooks I have put together about subjects that interest me. There is a book about college, our family and friends, and my wedding day, but the majority of the books are an all-out focus on you, my kids. Yep! With the exception of my wedding album, none of the scrapbooks could tell you a story about me. This fact may be about to change and it all started when I was invited to join a bible study.

I had heard of a bible study that leads you to making an album of your legacy, and I was interested to see the steps it would take for one to leave a legacy. So, I accepted the invite and went to see what was what … well, it really is going to be a bible study that leads to a scrapbook, but it is also going to be the hardest and most challenging thing I’ve done up to this point in my life. See, I had a pretty bumpy childhood and I am so not sure if there is anything to leave as a legacy. So this week, I will be taking the time to go over the study and really feel out the details. I am hoping that by next week, I will have an answer … to explore or not to explore!

Memory Fuzz

The interesting thing about memory. It gets fuzzy over time, to a point that it is hard to believe that others don't remember things the way you do.

When I was younger, I clearly remember being the outsider. I was always too something for someone to play, hang, collaborate, etc, etc, with. ... and when I come across the person that I have had this experience with, they act like nothing ever happened. Thus, why I make this little note. Forgiveness is for self and not necessarily for others.

I am totally into forgiving! It's the forgetting part that I have a hard time leaving behind. I have the tendency to only give once chance to make a fool of me, giving no shot at redemption or in some cases peace between the parties ... which makes me one hella'of a people person, right?

Well, time for change. Time to see what happens when you give someone a second chance. Time to let go of preconceived notions and guess work. Time to step out on real faith and see what is really going on. Scared? Hell yeah if memory serves me right or it could just be a fuzzball.

Let's just see.

It's a Pickle

Well, this is a pickle. ... I've been running around all day and have not had a chance to sit and even think of what I want to write about. I have been up since 7 a.m. and just hit my bed to rest when I remembered that I have a personal deadline to meet. Well, I made it! .. and I'm in bed so I can even note the weeks I've been at it because I am to far from the calendar to look. LOL!

Lately, I have been wondering what to write about. My weekly writing is settling in nicely and I am ready to branch out and get some ideas flowing. I've been thinking of doing a lecture series but that could get boring, or maybe looking more into the Word and how to apply it, but that could get preachy, ha ha ... is that even a word?

I really would like to start exploring some topics but I am so interested in everything! ... form art exhibits, crime, politics, news, DIY, parenting, travel, scrapbooking and more! There are tons of things I can write about, I just need to find one. I thought my adventures would be cool but for the most part those have dried up and they would. I keep to myself lately, choosing to observe the world from a safe place ... that place having nothing to do with fear but self preservation ... that at another sit down, when I'm ready to process, I'll explain.

So for now, I am going to write everyday this week and see if I can come up with some cool topics to write about. I'm hoping to find a rhythm along the way, a groove that I can boogie down too. Yeah, I'm looking for some new dance steps! LOL!

Family Time, The Best Time

Family dinner has begun! … Each month my family and I rotate between each other’s houses and have a family dinner. This month was dinner was at Grandma’s house and as usual, we have the best time. My mother-in-law is the most amazing person on the earth. I love hearing her stories of growing up in the south, with eleven other brothers and sisters! I’m an only child and that many siblings fascinates me to no end. I’m not sure what I would have done with all those people to share anything with! LOL!

My Sister-in-law tried a new chicken and broccoli bake that was delish – just remembered I didn’t get the recipe, I must call her – and this time I was on dessert and since I am the worst cook in the world, my goods are always store bought … at least I am really good at pickin’em. The food is just part of the ambiance. It’s really about getting together and catching up on the family’s who, what, when and where’s.

This year we have all planned to go on vacation together. Which is exciting for my kids because it’s the first time they get to go on vacation with their Grandma – who loves to travel and see the sights! Not much slows her down, I mean she puts me to shame with her 5 am gym time and dancing group. She is the center of our family and I am so happy that we make the time to come together and spend that time with her and the rest of the family, and I can’t end there, because my father-in-law is the reason we are all together and so close. We lost him two years ago to the only thing that could take him – cancer. … And we miss him dearly at our gatherings, but his love, strength, and making sure we knew family was important (he was 1 of 22. Yep! 1 of 22) keeps us going.

So, at the end of the night, we are full and plump, hoarse from laughing. We tidy up and say our goodbyes. Good memory managed.

Politely I Smiled

Coming up this week: A criminal justice event on Racial Justice & Policing, and sit down with Orange County Probation, a lecture on jails and detention centers, a counseling appointment, two days off of school, and an interview with a Spanish speaker. Life is a highway, and apparently, I drive it all day long! LOL! Yes! This week is going to be busy, busy, busy and of course I have grand plans to meal prep, remember what I walked in the room for, and grade all the assignments that are due this week.

In the meantime, I enjoy a nice cup of tea. It has been my solace as I navigate a world that I recognize fully. I’m smiling to myself now as I think about how it doesn’t matter who the President is … I am still a woman and I am still Black. Actually, one of my students challenged me and asked, “how do you know that you have been discriminated against?” … politely I smiled and said, “it’s a lot like, you voted and the candidate that you voted for didn’t win and now you’re in the streets protesting that your voice was not heard … well, it’s just like that, except my candidate never wins”. It’s hard to discuss race relations with anyone. However, my students are an amazing bunch of people and when I see them on campus, interacting with each other and sharing their current experience, going to college. I see hope.

It’s a holding on hope.  Hope that makes a difference when I’m minding my own business while someone holds their purse a little tighter or makes sure that they clear a path so we don’t brush against each other or gasps in disbelief that I am a professor at a university. Yeah, the hope they give me is a holding hope. A hope that one day it will no longer matter that I am a woman and I am Black.

Oh there I go! Getting all deep. This was supposed to stay light, airy, and bright but oh, it was on my mind. … Okay, next week, I’m looking for some adventure! Hope is what I have to find it!

"Yeah, You've Got a Friend in Me"

This week was way better than last week! ... but I knew it would be. Sometimes you just have to move forward, pushing through because if you look back, you get all caught up in the should've, could've, and would'ves. Which doesn't do me any good at all ... been there, done that, have the t-shirt to prove it.

What this past week gave me a chance to do was reevaluate myself as a friend. Now, this was amazingly a hard thing to do because I have not always been a good friend. I broke promises, let people down, and lied a lot to victory, well, at least I thought it was victory, and in all that, I could say that I was young and didn't know better, which is part of it, but the truth is, I could have made better choices and been a better friend.

I am so glad that with age and experience, comes wisdom. Today, I consider myself a really good friend, a perfect secret keeper ... I mean there is no way Lily and James Potter would have died on my watch! {insert neck swivel and I dare you face here} No way! ... but what my past has taught me is that being kind, considerate, authentic, loving, and dare I say, real. It's the only way to go. I have forge really good friendships with people who I love dearly ...and I don't part from them without them knowing that they are loved. Today, my intentions to be a really good friend not only goes without saying, it's practiced! ... and with that I say,

Good night Friend, I love you!